Nine Months

Today, my boyfriend and I have been together nine moths, and that’s cool. But I had this horrifying dream last night.

As most people know, babies takes nine moths producing. I dreamt I was giving birth. And normally, childbirth doesn’t scare me, but this did. 

I gave birth to two babies. The first one was healthy and just like all babies should be. The baby was taken away, but at the same time the other baby came. I cried for help, but no one was there. I had to take it myself. It was tiny, blue, red and cold. I dint know if it had been Ali e at all or if it was because of ,e it was lifeless. I cried and cried until I woke up in a safe bed next to him.

Luckily it was all a dream, but I kept thinking that it might mean something. Our relationship has been healthy and good, but does also have som dark sites. After giving birth to the dead baby, I forgot all about the healthy one. And isn’t that what real life is about? It’s the bad things that keep up us at night, and we forget to focus about the good. 

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About This Guy

So, I’ve had this perfection of a person to call mine for over half a year now. And I know it’s a little silly to blog about love and cliché thingys, but this blog is mainly for me to express my feelings through words.

I’m in love. And yes, I’ve been in love before, but not far as much as I am right now. And even though it’s been a little over six months, I still get this little rush and butterflies whenever I get to see him again. And that must be a good sign, right? I mean, six months and still having this giggling crush on him.

I love this guy with all I have of hormones that tells me so. And I know I said he was perfect earlier, and let’s face it, no one is perfect. But he is for me, so in my eyes, he is.

He is everything I’ve ever wanted and asked for. I can picture us having a future together, he, I and a cat. And I have never pictured myself with anyone in the future before; it has always been me, alone, doing school or what ever. So just having someone I can imagine further with is amazing

I wish everybody could have this feeling for someone, and at the same time receive it back, because this is too wonderful. I find myself smiling whenever I think about him (which is quite a lot), and my heart jumps whenever I get a message, and then does a backflip when I see it is his name on the screen. Sorry for a lot of gooey, lovey thingys, but yes.

I’m in love.

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~Tada

Lonely and Loving

Things have become pretty fucked up lately. People I’ve known my whole life are suddenly strangers. And that makes you question things. If it’s so easy to be desolated, then it must have been something there before?

I am crushed, yes. But somehow relieved. I mean, it was horrible, but now it all seems like a piece of history that will be kept, no matter what. And Buddha said that nothing lasts forever. Well, Buddha was a clever man, whom spoke true words.

We also have Murphy’s law;

Everything that can happen does happen.

It is sad, yet true. And I will rather have a heartbreaking truth than a warming lie, even though it might hurt like hell. But let’s face it; Lies hurt more.

I won’t point out what went wrong. I believe that something started to crack a long time ago. I remember the summer two years ago, crying because I saw this wouldn’t work. And that wasn’t the first time..

I had it coming.

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I would be devastated and alone right now if it hadn’t been for this wonderful guy, who always makes me smile. So all creds to him. He’s my everything, and things are looking pretty good right now, so that’s something to focus on, and not the past.

~Tada

Loved

I’ve never been as much in love as I am right now.

Everything seems perfect.

Every time he looks at me and smiles, I get this tingely feeling in my chest, and butterflies starts to swirl in my belly.

And I love it.

It’s weird to feel so much for a person. Of course, I do love other people as well, but in a whole other perspective. This is fireworks and stars, exploding and leaving a calm feeling of being taken care of and warmth. I never want to go back, not feeling that.

I’m sorry for such a cliché post, but then again, you can’t describe love without being a tiny bit cliché.

All of this feels so right.

~Tada

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Summer ’14

It’s summer.
It’s sunny.
And I’m sitting indoors,
With tea in my tummy.

Just wasting my days,

Without any haste.

Oh, isn’t it wonderful?

Just doing nothing in so many ways?

 

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~Tada ❤

A Teeny-Tiny Update

A lot of things have happened since last post. Some of them might sound unrealistic (especially for me). Firstly, I got a boyfriend. What? Me? Yes. How? I don’t know. Why me? Not quite sure. But I’m not going to question much around it. I’m over the top of happiness! Just thinking back to the beginning of this school year and until now, it all seems unrealistic (as I mentioned earlier). Just thinking that there is someone I love to spend time with, also loves to spend time with me is a little much, but I like it. Sorry (not really) for cheesy blogging about how perfect my life is right now, but it’s weird. It all happened so quickly, yet not. In the beginning of my “life-blogging” it was all about how I didn’t like my class, and that they were all a bunch of drama queens with bad music taste. But suddenly I found some cool kids with better music taste (and taste in friends, huhu). And then I met this gorgeous guy! And to top it off, I went to London with my best friend and my mother (who is adorable). Beam! 6tag-11839665-762890824232528168_11839665[1]6tag-11839665-762176509640763937_11839665[1] 6snap-140721-173421[1] 6snap-140721-174212[1] ~Tada ❤

Dear Tea

Dear tea
Why is it always thee
Who makes me feel comfy in an endless night?
Dear tea
Why is it alway thee
Who calms me down after a tearful fight?
Dear tea
Why is it always thee
Who takes care of me when I feel lost?
Dear tea
Why is it always thee
Who’s always there, no matter the cost?

Wrote this on the train after spending the weekend at my bestie’s casa

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~Tada

This Funny, Little Thing Called Hormones

As you might have understood, this post is going to be about love/being trapped in it. So if you don’t want to read about a teenage girl burst out her feelings online over a boy, then run. Fast.

So, there is this boy. We’ve talked a lot lately online. I have met him before, but it’s first now we’ve found the tone.

We can chat all night, discussing our super hero future together or about goats or whatever. The conversation never gets dull.

I invited him out to this carnival next week.  And of course, since I’m going out with him, I wanted to know a little bit more about him. So I asked my friend if he knew who this guy was (fishing for information).

“Yes, he’s fuck friends with a girl from my class”

I did not see that coming.

I don’t know if that’s the truth or a rumour. Maybe he dated this girl in the past, maybe they’ve hooked up at a party before. I don’t know. And frankly, I don’t care, yet as I do.

I don’t care because, let’s face it: We’re teenagers. Often people around my age “explore” stuff to find out what they want or not. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, I believe that’s their choice and their consequences, not mine.

But then again I do care because (and I hate to admit it) I really like this guy. He invited me to watch one of his favourite movies with him one time.  He told me that I looked beautiful today. He seems to care about me. And I don’t want to be one of his girls. I want to be the girl. I don’t want him to think of me as one of the girls he’s had a thing with.

 

I put what my friend told me about his classmate and this guy away to a dark and empty spot in my mind, so it wouldn’t bother me. And I know for a fact that he doesn’t like “dirty” girls (or so he told me).

 

Today I sent him a photo on snapchat were he replied that I looked fabulous.

I saw that he was online later this day and sent him a greeting. The minute later I get a snap from him.

It was that girl. She seemed pervy (she had drawn penises on the picture), and as I said earlier, he doesn’t like pervy girls. My facebook message also became read, and I don’t know if it was her or him who read it. He would probably reply, and I’ve heard that that girl has a quite bitchy personality. But they’re on a party together, probably getting drunk, and maybe they’ll hook up. It kills me that I don’t know, but then again: Is it worth holding on to a guy if he just play with girls.

 

So here I am, feeling a bit stupid, embarrassed and hurt.

Oh what a lovely thing, these funny little hormones.

 

~Tada