As you might have understood, this post is going to be about love/being trapped in it. So if you don’t want to read about a teenage girl burst out her feelings online over a boy, then run. Fast.
So, there is this boy. We’ve talked a lot lately online. I have met him before, but it’s first now we’ve found the tone.
We can chat all night, discussing our super hero future together or about goats or whatever. The conversation never gets dull.
I invited him out to this carnival next week. And of course, since I’m going out with him, I wanted to know a little bit more about him. So I asked my friend if he knew who this guy was (fishing for information).
“Yes, he’s fuck friends with a girl from my class”
I did not see that coming.
I don’t know if that’s the truth or a rumour. Maybe he dated this girl in the past, maybe they’ve hooked up at a party before. I don’t know. And frankly, I don’t care, yet as I do.
I don’t care because, let’s face it: We’re teenagers. Often people around my age “explore” stuff to find out what they want or not. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, I believe that’s their choice and their consequences, not mine.
But then again I do care because (and I hate to admit it) I really like this guy. He invited me to watch one of his favourite movies with him one time. He told me that I looked beautiful today. He seems to care about me. And I don’t want to be one of his girls. I want to be the girl. I don’t want him to think of me as one of the girls he’s had a thing with.
I put what my friend told me about his classmate and this guy away to a dark and empty spot in my mind, so it wouldn’t bother me. And I know for a fact that he doesn’t like “dirty” girls (or so he told me).
Today I sent him a photo on snapchat were he replied that I looked fabulous.
I saw that he was online later this day and sent him a greeting. The minute later I get a snap from him.
It was that girl. She seemed pervy (she had drawn penises on the picture), and as I said earlier, he doesn’t like pervy girls. My facebook message also became read, and I don’t know if it was her or him who read it. He would probably reply, and I’ve heard that that girl has a quite bitchy personality. But they’re on a party together, probably getting drunk, and maybe they’ll hook up. It kills me that I don’t know, but then again: Is it worth holding on to a guy if he just play with girls.
So here I am, feeling a bit stupid, embarrassed and hurt.
Oh what a lovely thing, these funny little hormones.